Endo Bowel Fears...

My latest fear is discovering endo on my bowels and waking up with a colostomy or bowel resection. I'm pretty sure there is something going on in that area due to my pain and the extremely painful exam I had about a month ago. I trust my doctor and I know he specializes in this, but if I have had endo for, say, 14 years, and it's been growing down there this long, I am worried at the damage that has been done.

I know I'm probably worrying way too much about it, but I think what brought this on is when I got the packet in the mail for surgery, I read that my bowel prep is an ENEMA! Um, what?! I've had 3 laps, and never have I had to do this, I've always done the gross drink and not eaten for 24 hours. So then I start thinking wow, he must really think there is something wrong that I need to do this. Then there was a downward spiral of panic of giving myself a freakin' enema.

Stay tuned for the "How the HELL do I give myself a freaking enema and can't I just eat a bunch of laxatives" post.

Surgery is Scheduled!

Yikes! I can't believe I made the decision. And I can't go back because the husband already took off work and it would be a pain in the ass to go back and change it now.

So, laparoscopic excision surgery is scheduled for July 13 with my new doctor. I am SO nervous. I'm nervous that the doctor will either not find anything, and that's surgery number 3 for nothing, or he's going to find something horrible. It's one or the other.

Although I'm really confident in my doctor, I am only about 80% confident that he is going to find endometriosis. When I told him I was thinking about having a hysterectomy just to be done with all the pain so I can move on with my life, he said it was jumping the gun. But if I wake up from anesthesia and they say they found nothing, like last time, I will be devastated.

But, for now I am jumping that gun! Countdown til July 13! 25 more days...

Huh!?

This morning I got a call from my new doctor wondering if I had any questions or concerns left over from my appointment on Friday! My first thought was, WTF? A doctor is calling to see if he can be of service to me? And it's not a nurse, it's the actual doctor? This is too good to be true.

After I got over the initial shock, I did have a few questions. I asked him what happens if he gets in there and there's no endo. He said although it's highly unlikely based on the physical exam, he said we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I said I feel like just having a hysterectomy and being done with it all, and he said that's jumping the gun, let's wait and see what we find and then we'll decide which route to take. I also said (again) how reluctant I am to have surgery, and he said (again) this would really be my first surgery since no other doctor treated me properly.

So that really made me feel even better about having gone to the appointment and is making the decision to have surgery a lot easier. Right now they are scheduling about 7 weeks out, so it won't be at least til the end of July.

Appointment Update

Well, yesterday I had my appointment with my new doctor about my endometriosis/adenomyosis. I really liked him, and it was an interesting visit. It was nice that when I first got there, I went to his office and we talked for about 10 minutes, then we went to the exam room, and then we spoke again afterwards, and it was always just him. I didn't have to deal with any fellows or med students.

Just to recap:

• He started off by saying "Lupron doesn't work, it only suppresses the endo while you're on it, then it comes right back". I wanted to reach across the table and give him a hug!
• The exam was incredibly painful, the MOST painful exam I have ever had. He seemed confused, and asked me if any of my other doctors had ever examined me like that before, and I said no.
  
• After the exam, I asked him what he thought about me having endo vs. adeno, and he thought my symptoms were more aligned with endo (pain concentrated on one side, bowel pain etc). After the exam I have to agree; I could literally feel where the endo implants were.
• I expressed my total and utter reluctance at having a THIRD surgery, especially since my last lap was negative. He flat out said that he would consider a surgery with him my first surgery, since the others were basically pointless because the other doctors did nothing while they were in there and obviously weren't looking hard enough. He called them "placebo"surgeries. Slam! He also said I most likely did not have any scar tissue, since, again, I really haven't had surgery before.
  
• He does in fact excise endo, so he said this surgery would be a lot more invasive than the "non-surgeries" I've had before, and will probably have a slightly longer recovery time.
  
• I asked him about going on birth control after surgery to stop the endo from coming back (due to my migraines I can't be on hormonal BC); he shook his head and said the only reason to go on birth control is to not get pregnant. He said if endo is excised properly then there is no need to go on birth control; only when it is not removed is when doctors put you on birth control.
  
  The conclusion to the appointment was that I am going to think about surgery and call to schedule it. They schedule about a month out, so I need to figure out summer plans and work stuff. I am also, despite having a lot of confidence in this new doctor, a little apprehensive that it won't work. Plus, surgery is always risky and I'm just not a fan of the whole process of anesthesia and recovery.

So that's that. I think if I do schedule surgery I'll try to do it for the beginning of July, or it will have to wait til the Fall. I have a lot to think about!

Tomorrow's Appointment

Well, tomorrow is my long awaited appointment with a new doctor. This doc is supposedly an endometriosis "expert", at least that's what I'm hoping, since he does excise endo and I've talked to a few people who have had successful surgeries with him. I am a little apprehensive since I don't want to have another surgery and I figure that's what he'll tell me, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. Also, the only bad things I've heard about him is that he is hard to understand (he's foreign) and he has a weird bedside manner. As long as he doesn't try to put me on Lupron again I think I'll be okay! I'll try to post tomorrow night or Saturday to let everyone know how it went.